Develop real friendships

  • Wednesday, October 31, 2012

There is an old axiom that God gave us things to use and people to enjoy. Many people do things the opposite way. They enjoy things and use people.
This is one of the chief reasons why some people are unable to cultivate deep long term relationships. They want to enjoy certain things and in order to do that they use people to get those things.
Make no mistake, no man is an island. No matter who we are we need people. The person who says he doesn’t need anyone but God is lying to himself.
We need people at some level in some way. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, the house we live in with its various amenities
and conveniences says we are dependent on others. There is a certain interdependency that is necessary in a civilized society.  
The fact that we need people, should by itself tell us the value of people. But we continue to use each other as disposable commodity.
Sometimes we do that because we are afraid of getting close. A person might have become close to one or more persons and got hurt and so they protect themselves by not allowing themselves to get close to others again.
Developing real loving relationships is always worth it. Many of the hurts people feel in relationships is not the product of real love but superficial relationships in which people are more interested in things than in people. The great poet Alfred H. Tennyson declared, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
Deep friendships require cultivation. There might be an instant attraction, connection where the “like ability” factor kicks in immediately, but it takes time to convert that into a real friendship.
Do you have at least one person nearby that is not a family member whom you can call on in times of personal distress, who would put aside everything, he or she is doing to listen to you and encourage you?                                                                                                                                                                 
Real friendships are worth cultivating because as Ben Jonson puts it, “True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in the worth and choice.”

The Rev. Valentine Williams is the Pastor of Transforming Life Center Church in Pineville, a motivational speaker, seminar/workshop leader, personal development coach, adjunct instructor and the author of Youth Empowered to Succeed. He is also the president of Williams Speaking and Training Services, a people development organization that conducts professional and personal development training and staff development workshops. For questions, comments or speaking engagements contact him at valmyval@yahoo.com.

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